she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
