we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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