It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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