I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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