i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize