Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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