I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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