I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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