ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i already hear my dad disowning me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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