I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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