I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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