How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
