One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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