dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize