oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
