I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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