I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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