Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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