My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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