Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize