if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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