I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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