Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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