do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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