If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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