You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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