That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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