You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize