I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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