Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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