We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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