She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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