Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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