There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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