Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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