Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize