finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize