He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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