Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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