There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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