Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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