You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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