I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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