I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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