ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize