i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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