Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He keeps bees of course he's weird
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to calm my uterus...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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