YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's get the cat blown out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize