My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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