I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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