I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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