She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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